How To Convince Your Girl To Let You Ride a Motorcycle
No.5 All The Cool Dudes Are Doing It
Elvis Presley, Steve McQueen and James Dean all earned their leather jackets. Brad Pitt rides with Angelina across various countries with various quasi-adopted children. Shaquille O'Neil and Arnold Schwarzenegger are both badasses on motorbikes. Tom Cruise made the Ninja iconic in Top Gun. Ben Affleck rides (perhaps with his Oscar in his backpack), while Ryan Gosling uses one as a quick escape from the pre-teen hordes who hound him to relive various scenes from The Notebook. George Clooney looks better on one than he did in Ocean's Eleven. Ewan McGregor, aka Obi-Wan Kenobi, uses it to tap into the force and run over dark Lords of the Sith (known in Hollywood as PR professionals). Harrison Ford had one, which makes up for his horrible fourth Indy movie. James Bond has been known to ride in a tux. Jay Leno owns more than I care to count. Michael Jordan straddled an engine, as did Charles Lindbergh, Clint Eastwood, Lawrence of Arabia, Marlon Brando and Bob Dylan. Hell, even Fabio knows what's up.
No.4 More Money To Spend On Her
In the extremely rare case you're not making millions in this super-awesome economy, perhaps you should point out that motorcycles save you money, both up front and in the long term. To start with the obvious, there's the typical price of buying new. While a top-of-the-line 2013 Kawasaki ZX-6R will set you back $12,699, a stock Toyota Corolla will cost you $16,230. One of these goes 0-60 in a matter of seconds; one makes sure you won't get laid on a first date. You can often pick up a decent used bike for anywhere between $2,000 and $4,000, or a brand-new entry-level bike in the 300 cc category for around $5,000. Then there's the insurance factor. Insuring my bike costs a grand total of about $200 per year.
Finally, you can talk about gas. A tank that can take you 200 miles costs $14 to fill up, with premium. The result: You can take her on a romantic trip to Paris. Or buy her jewelry, or other things that actually matter more than jewelry. Like a microwave oven. That statement is not chauvinistic if your girl likes to cook. Which, if true, means you should probably also buy her a ring with all your savings.
No.3 Everybody Wants to Date a Superhero
Unless you're Batman, riding with a cape might be a little much, but rolling up to the party in full leathers is completely acceptable. If you want to get her thinking about how good you'll look in front of her friends, take her to your nearest bike shop and put on a helmet and some body armor-reinforced leathers. Dare her to tell you that you don't look like the modern day equivalent of a knight. The advances in motorcycle gear these days often give you the appearance of sporting a Halo suit. So, if you ever find yourself in a tough spot, needing to back up a buddy or defend your girl's honor, you've got a leg up on anybody who's dumb enough to try and touch you. Then there's the whole saving the planet thing. Better MPG means your carbon footprint isn't nearly as big as that bro in his raised truck or even the chick in the Mazda 3. In other words, you've got that Captain Planet thing going on.
No.2 Time Is Important
Time is money and money is time, but if you had to pick one, it seems that time is the thing we never have enough of. So instead of wasting two hours of your life every day commuting in traffic, it might be a good idea to highlight how much time you'll save (and get to spend with her) if you commute on a bike rather than in a car. This will also help with your anger management issues, as you'll be less apt to succumb to road rage due to grandma and grandpa chilling in the fast lane. Trust me when I say this: There's nothing better than zooming by hundreds of people sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic who all inherently hate you and want to be you. (DISCLAIMER: Lane-splitting is only legal if you live in California.) You've probably been this hater yourself. Unless you get a bike, you'll most likely be this hater tomorrow.
No.1 The Ultimate Sell: Take Her For A Ride
It's easy to be against riding motorcycles, until you ride one, that is. The best sell: have her hop on the back (after you're experienced enough to handle her added weight, of course). The easiest way to make this happen might simply be to roll up to her house with an extra helmet. If she's the adventurous type, she'll hop right on. If she requires a little more convincing, you might need to use those crazy good negotiating skills you've perfected through your parents, or guilt her into giving it a shot so you'll finally forgive her for that time she went out with her girlfriends to Chippendales. Whatever method you use, make sure you don't act like a total jack when she's riding pillion. That means no popping wheelies between semis. The thrill of riding will be such that her arms will automatically wrap around you. If you're good, you'll be rewarded in the end for being a time-, money- and planet-saving superhero whose alter-ego is named Elvis Schwarzenegger of Arabia.
In Total...
If you really think you're a minivan type of guy, then you shouldn't have started reading this article in the first place. But if you're serious about exploring the two-wheel lifestyle, then you best get out there. Life is short and all too often people go their entire lives without really living. So swing a leg over an iron steed and enjoy the wind in your face. If she's worth it, she'll understand.
But if she doesn't and all else fails, there's always Plan B...